Sunday, December 2, 2007

Hello Kitty Video Game Banned In U.S. For Adult S&M Content!

(I kept it as medical as possible. No cussing, but does contain adult innuendos)

The Entertainment Software Rating Board issued an Adult's Only rating on "Hello Kitty: Cuddles Land" on November 10 2007 after hackers had created a sadomasochism mod depicting a leather clad Hello Kitty administering painful sexual pleasure upon her boyfriend "Dear Daniel"

The mod, called "Hello Painful Pussy...Cat", features 6 new mini games including:
  1. Stroke the Kitty
  2. Shave the Cat
  3. Bat my Balls...of Yarn
  4. Shove my Face in Litter
  5. Find the Gimp

Hello Kitty is not the first game to have an original rating overturned after user-created content mods is found to add adult oriented material.

Grand Theft Auto: Hot Coffee Mod
In 2004, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas received an Adults Only rating after users found code embedded within the game and created a hack that allowed you to access an adult only minigame that revolves around having intercourse. GTA Creator, Rockstar Games, had disabled the code to make sure that content was appropriate for the intended viewing audience. Parents were outraged when they found that the child-inappropriate game they had purchased for their child, contained inappropriate material for small children when kids would browse the internet unmonitored and download the patch! The ESRB was forced to reevaluate the game based on this content and had the game pulled from major stores to make sure that parents everywhere need not concern themselves with their child's development and safety.

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion Topless Mod
On May 3rd 2006, The ESRB changed the rating of Oblivion from Teen to Mature. The rating was altered after a female user created a content mod containing textures and code that renders the users avatar naked from the waist up.

The ESRB's success with the Oblivion incident and ability to hold a company or artist responsible for other consumers editing of their work has helped them to gain more power and strength to do what is needed to clean up this country. These are the latest lawsuits spawned by their dedication and vigilance:

America's Got Boobies!
Sharon Osbourne of the hit show "America's Got Talent", was arrested and fined $11,000 after officials found a discarded issue of People magazine containing the star showing her breasts on national television. A local Chicago man, Jack Holland, had created the "mod" by using his pen and some white-out to draw "ta-tas" on Mrs. Osbourne during his lunch break.

Officials say, "This is an outrage. And Mrs. Osbourne will be punished severely for her part in this. My child might have picked up this magazine out of the trash and seen her bare and exposed. If I had any clue were my kid was right now, I'd make sure to give him a safety hug."

Dr. Phil Exposes Himself.
11/7/07 - Denver CO: Postal Clerk Hugh Jass confesses to a visiting Government Official, "Today, I was watching Dr Phil and I noticed his head looked a lot like a penis." This "verbal head mod" spurned Police Officials to arrest the famous Doctor on Friday after careful examination of several episodes of The Dr. Phil Show and confirming that his dome does resemble a phallic object.

Police Commissioner, Random Drool, states "It's obvious that a very serious crime has occurred. We're just trying to figure out what to do. The best approach at this point seems for us to behead the man. Decapitation just seems right after what he has done to us. Besides, he was running out of good advice anyway."

Hehe, I joke. But this is a very serious issue in my opinion. Grand Theft Auto I can see getting a reevaluation, but Oblivion getting one is rediculous. I completely feel that we need to keep inappropriate items out of the hands of children, but I think parents should also be aware of what their kids are doing on the internet and in games. Adding more laws does make you a good parent. So, I am just writing this goofy piece to raise awareness about how the ESRB is using their power. And to get "The Hoff" more press. Hehe

BTW: I am not affiliated with any of the people posted above. Nor would they want me affiliated with them. God knows I've tried to be. But they are all close to me none the less. Well 200 yards close. But Dr Phil, Hasslehoff and The Osbournes all were very polite with the way they worded the rest of their restraining orders. They still care.

Also: I'm not very familiar with spoof laws. So if I stepped on any toes with my slapping goofy art on these, and you hold copyright or something, please let me know. Just trying to be funny, not a thief. I've been labeled many things, "pervert", "idiot", "politician"(ouch), but I try to never be a thief.

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